Friday, October 28, 2005


I'm married and what does that mean?
I'm sitting here at 12: 56am and wondering what the heck am I doing with this man!??!!!
Seriously, I have a big point of contension with him and I don't understand why he doesn't get it!
He wants a "normal wife" why did he want me? I have health issues that I have to contend with, yet he doesn't want to support me. Treatment needs to be applied, yet he doesn't want to help me there? So, when does he?

How do I get him to get it? I feel like I'm banging my head. I've talked to him, and I know I have also talked at him. I've done therapy with him and without him. Yet, he doesn't get it.
Tonight was a perfect example, I know I over did it. However, he didn't say anything about me painting the bathroom all by myself... now I am suffering with swollen hands and legs, even my patches on my lower back are swollen. When it comes to apply streriod cream onto my patches I need help. I ask for him to do it, he sighs, making me feel like I am inconveniousing him. Tonight, I was in tears, I asked again to get my patches done, and I had to wait for him to have a smoke and drink his pop before he would do it.. Again, I have to wait for him to do it when he wants to but he doesn't want to .... I need it done but he doesn't want to do it. Where is the marriage?

He knew, yet says that he didn't realize how my deterioration was going to affect me. He thought he could handle it, yet he admits he can't.......... so then why stay with me?
All I know is that I need my treatment and I need someone to apply it.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Babbling Thoughts

Has it ever occurred to you that during a specific time of night, when we can't sleep that the mind goes off like an alarm ? This going to be one of my nights where an hour does the trick. I spent the early part of the evening going over my article that I am presenting at the Canadian conference, I am both excited and terrified! Anyways, my paper started me thinking about my thesis paper, playing with ideas and topics.
Papers on the Aboriginal world view, seeking understanding could be one title. I have other titles in my head, now being put on appear. How can we truly understand what it means to be Canadian if we are so wrapped into the illusion of dreams?

On further expanding this idea, I think I want to do a comparison analysis of western perceptions and Native perceptions that would include world view Canadian Aboriginal culture past and present. This could document transitional events and explain the significance.

I am also interested in discussing Native systems and their dynamics and reasoning behind the various social structure. What makes man and women's roles? The list is endless so I am going to really have to figure this out.

I told my prof what I wanted to do and it is going to be interesting.

Topics that I want to examine include: What do Native women want? We talk about Aboriginal women being the most oppressed culture in Canada, so focusing on the Native facelessness may give way to more dialogue between natie and non-Natives. What would I name this?
Speaking with Wisdom?
Could I or should I just focus on secondary sources, such as books and film? I think we need to explore a culture traditions and illustrate how the culture has survived or changed from the tradition. Can we modernize the tradition? Are First Nations people re-evaluating their traditions and putting a modern spin onto their culture, thus bringing a deeper understanding of thier own history? I will keep thinking about this stuff.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Mystic skies tells us of the balance we are desiring yet are still searching in the wrong place Posted by Picasa

Over the su mmer I spent a lot of time going out at dusk to find the sun sing its farewell song. Many of the pictures I shot around Welland Ontario have been viewed by others in Welland, and they were suprised by the small city's beauty. I began to wonder why do we get so detached from our surroundings. I know I know, people say they are too busy to stop, yet a sunset is gone within 5 minutes. Are we programmed to the point, socially anyways, that we can not take five minutes a day to stand in the magic of the sun's final dance of the day? Have we become so hard that we fear the final song? What is the final song, should we mourn it or should we celebrate its magic, its dance, its final statement that speaks to our soul?

This is the time, I speak to the young at heart, the dreamer, and those souls that are search. Each of the colours represent a moment in time, a thought or emotion that binds you to that moment. It comes in the form of a whisper and most of the time we are too busy to listen to the powerful message sent from the mystic. Hey, I'm here, and you are my witness that I have existed, this is the sunset's message. The colours are created in a magical dance captivating our hearts and spirit, are you ready to listen? Can you feel your soul reaching out to the magnitude of the moment, connecting you to the universe? I am the sun's keeper and this is the magic I bring.

Let the warmth speak to you and you will in turn feel the knowledge of life flow and caress your spirit put what is important back into your existence. Crave the beauty found in this moment and share it only makes the moment grow with the passion that has been lost in our daily existence. Become the sun's keeper so that other's will benifit from your connection. The magic is in the power of connection, the moment on which you share with thos you touch unknowingly each day. The price is your soul that has been shrinking because of the disconnection.

I have