Friday, May 12, 2006

Saying Goodbye

It's time, the time to say Goodbye to what was and what could be. When the bond between two becomes one and then that union is broken for one reason or another it is earth shattering. I didn't want us to come to this, I didn't want to face the future without you. However, I have been left no choice. You say never say never, however I do have to say never for now in order to move forward, in order to begin a new path.

We all make choices in our lives and yes we have to live with those choices and the consequences they may bring. Most of the time we don't think about how these choices affect others but they do and I understand that so much. I am making a choice based on your choice to go outside our union. I have to make this decision in order to move forward with my life. I can not hold on to what could have been, I have to embrace the future.

I have gone through the gamete of emotion, blaming, accusing, and feeling sorry for myself for all that has happened. You made the choice to turn towards someone else, and I now have to let you live with that choice, without me. I was bitter, I was clinging onto the hope that this was all a bad dream. I was blaming you and her for breaking a part the family and the dream.

It doesn't matter anymore who is at fault, I know I have to go on without you and you have to go on without me. It was hard in the beginning, each day I wake up and it becomes a little bit easier to accept that your arms are not the one's that hold me when I tremble. I am mourning what could have been, I am mourning the marriage that had died. However, now I am able to make the steps necessary to move forward as I see that there is a new way of viewing the world, without you.

She for whatever reason, said yes to you when she should have said no. She validated being the one who helped break the vows you and I took. I was obsessing on finding out why she did it, but no more, it doesn't matter. I just hope she can look in the mirror knowing that she is the reason why I can not be with you. I hope that when she looks at her own child she thinks of the children that she helped take you away from. Yes, I am angry and sad at the same time.

You said forever, I now know that forever can never be and I will no longer be safe in your arms. I look at the divorce rate and wonder what is the point in taking the vows if we can so easily break them. In sickness and in health means nothing when in sickness you choose to run away into another's arms.

Goodbyes are bitter, leaving a tainted sour taste in my soul. Time will heal and I will be able to pick up the shatter pieces to form a new path and journey maybe with someone else or maybe by myself. You are right, we don't know what the future holds, I just know that it is time to say goodbye.

What I want I can no longer have, what I dream I can no longer dream, and what I see I can no longer see it coming true with you.

The betrayal can no longer kiss my spirit and shatter my soul.

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